My Personal Experience With Attachment

When I awoke in June of 2000, the freeing from attachments was the only aspect of my shift that progressed in stages. The first part was easy. Ridding myself of any attachment to material objects was almost immediate. I was a frequent traveler to the dump as I had lots of “stuff” to dump to lighten my load. I was lucky in that I had never really had a need to buy things or have any inanimate object that I was endeared to. I must have learned this lesson in a previous lifetime.

I had a large house that was filled with things accumulated for 20 years from five children and a wife that loved to buy things. My untying from things was not done with an indifference to having stuff but was done with an obsession to free myself from having to look after it and see it everyday. I needed to de clutter my life and my space around me. I didn’t even know what fen shui was but I could certainly feel the desire for free flowing energy. It was easy to rid myself of the things that felt like they were attached to me. I eventually got down to a suitcase of clothes and a guitar and had never felt so free.

The next aspect of freeing myself was to free myself from expectations. I realized that plans and the expectation of outcomes were concepts that were in the future. Eliminating my attachment to the future and just allowing things to unfold as they will was a tremendously freeing experience. Living in the moment without dwelling in the past or worrying about the future made it possible to quiet my mind giving me the ability to enjoy every second as it was presented. A huge part of the inner peace that was present for me.

It was hard on the people around me though as they were all used to making plans. I would never commit to being at any activities that were in the future, preferring to wait till the moment to choose the action to take. It wasn’t long until I was no longer asked or invited to any pre-planned events. It works so much better to just watch and see how things line up before choosing whether to act. Looking for the flow of events that is always present and following it.

My attachment to people followed next and was almost simultaneous to the other aspects of my complete shift of perspective. This form of attachment has a few layers. The attachment to a mate or spouse is one part that can be easily understood and reasoned.

I didn’t have a spouse at the time of my awakening but a few months later I was in a relationship with a person that had a tough time with my perspective of being unattached. This behavior, from a human perspective, can appear as uncaring, but it’s essence is not from an attitude of indifference but from the knowing that each person is an entity of their own and whether they choose to stay with you or not is their sovereign choice. The outcome of this relationship for me was not something that I was concerned with one way or the other. Whatever would happen in the relationship would produce a feeling of “and so it is.” This is not the norm and ended up being the cause for the ending of our relationship. This attitude makes it difficult to be with anyone that doesn’t share my attitude about how a relationship is experienced.

As I have discussed the attachment that is the hardest to grasp and the toughest to release is the attachment to “our” children.
This form of attachment is firmly ingrained in human behavior and anyone that suggests the releasing of our children is usually written off as crazy or weird or both. And I have been called both by many that have known me. This attachment that I and the majority of parents have, took me almost three years into my awakening process before I realized that what I was doing was no different than any other form of attachment that I had previously examined and released.

I traveled to Kona, Hawaii in March of 2003 to take my first Overlight training. I was bringing my two daughters aged 17 and 19 over to spend a couple weeks in Waikiki after my time in Kona. I had been very lucky as a child. My parents loved Hawaii and took our family there several times. I had great memories of my times in Waikiki and wanted my girls to get a taste of what I had experienced as a young adult. I had booked a hotel close to the beach and had formulated a vision of how it would be. I was attached to the expectation of them doing everything I had done.

It was March in Canada with below freezing temperatures and I wanted them to bask in the sun and enjoy the 80 degree weather. I wanted them to enjoy the beach and meet new people from faraway places. Enjoy the beautiful scenery. Play in the sand and surf. All the wonderful things that I enjoyed as a youth.

17 and 19 years old. Great ages to experience a new place.

All they wanted to do was party all night and sleep all day. They didn’t even see the sun for the first week. The air-conditioned room and the TV were the only scenery they took in.

This caused me frustration. Since my awakening, frustration was not something that was part of the whole enlightened perspective that had become my life since 2000. I tried to get them to change their schedules. To get up and go to the beach and enjoy the sun and ocean. I beat my head against the wall for the first week. Then it hit me. I was attaching myself to their experience. I was trying to get them to conform to my idea of how to enjoy Hawaii. This was no different than any other aspect of attachment. I was carrying these expectations around with me. They were dragging me down.

I realized that it didn’t matter that my intentions for them were for “their own good”, as is usually the case with parental intention. I came to the knowing that I wouldn’t be free of attachment until I truly surrendered to the fact that they are their own beings. That I cannot change their experience in life to match what I expect it to be. That they will choose to do what they want to regardless of what I want. Why should I look at this any different than any other aspect of attachment.

After this realization hit me, I backed right off trying to control their time in Hawaii. I freed myself from attaching to my perceived expectation of how they needed to act to enjoy the vacation. Freed myself from carrying expectations of how they should be.

The last two weeks were wonderful for all of us. I regained my inner peace. They eventually started going to the beach. It was a great time and things after that flowed.

This may not be a great example of the attachment we have to “our” offspring, but for me it was the final release that I needed to completely absorb the concept of freeing my self. When we arrived back home I continued with this perspective and it made all our lives so much easier. With me backing off the incessant nagging for them to do this, or do that, just because I thought it was the way to do things, it gave us all the space we needed to be who we were. This didn’t mean that I didn’t care about their welfare it simply meant that without the desire to control their lives, my interaction with them gained the flow that I had experienced in the other aspects of my everyday life.

It may be hard to look at children as attachments. But how can this form of attachment be any different? I have always found that there is a consistency to all the attributes of spiritual enlightenment. A consistency that applies, when tested, to any subject, no matter how ingrained it is or how unthinkable it is to discuss. Attachment to a car or a pet is one thing but releasing our children from us is a much more difficult subject to broach. Yet I believe that by untying the rope that ties our children to us, we empower them to be the spiritual beings that they are, while freeing us to watch and enjoy them as their paths unfold.

I look to nature to show me examples of how life should be and see that in virtually every instance they allow their offspring to experience the world around them and let them go when they are ready to be on their own. And do so with a minimal amount of interference.

Being attached to anything or anyone outside of our selves is the cause of much of the frustration that we experience in a lifetime. It can’t be natural. It can’t be how we were intended to be. In the next age we will be free.

Related posts:

1. The Tough One – Freeing From Our Children
2. Break Free From Attachments